I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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