just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
