the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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