On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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