Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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