how can u be prego again
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
