10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
