Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he shaved USA in his pubs
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
