i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
