Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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