Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
