Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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