my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
