got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
