When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
