Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
