At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
