My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
