i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
