So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize