"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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