Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
