Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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