Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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