TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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