so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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