My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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