Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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