So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
