i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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