the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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