If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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