I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
