Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
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Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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