Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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