i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
