Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
