Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Green mimosas i think yes
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
