i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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