WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
