do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
