I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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