no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
