Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize