dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
