yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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