We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
