I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
