I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
