Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Houston, we have a squirter
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
