How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
