It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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