I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
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I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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