i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
