Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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