We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
