God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
