at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
