Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
