its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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