When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
