Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
