Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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