He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Who died my cat blue again?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
