Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
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No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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