i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
