Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
