If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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