Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
