I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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