I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
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Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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