i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
