I am spending my child support on dildos
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
