i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
