what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
