i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
