i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
