Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
