when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The best revenge is premature balding
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
