Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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