I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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