Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
